Chinese New Year

The hustle and bustle of Chinese New Year always set me on the mood of reflection and relive past memory.

I remember when I was physically able; I actively participated in every detail throughout the preparations leading to this major celebration. Besides the usual shopping I would take part in spring cleaning, driving Mom to numerous marketing trips to both supermarkets and the wet market, accompanied Mom to buy paper products for rituals, cookie baking, doing up home with decorations to helping Mom in the kitchen to prepare the reunion lunch.

On the eve of Chinese New Year, we spent the evening preparing for the ritual to usher in Chinese New Year at the stroke of midnight. Red paper were wrapped around each fruit, sweets and cookies were arranged in a red tray. During the ritual scented incense and paper money burnt were burnt.

Every morning during Chinese New Year, we prepare to greet visitors by putting as much drinks as possible in the refrigerator, get the Chinese tea leaves and tea pot ready and arrange cookies in a very nice swivel tray, placed peanuts and kuaci in separate containers. When my siblings and their families came bai nian on the second day of Chinese New Year, while Mom was busy exchanging greetings with our love ones, I would be busy serving drinks, beers, Chinese tea, cookies and others which we had prepared earlier. Ang Pow time soon follow, the act of giving and receiving ang pow among a group of people in the house was quite a happy scene. Being bachelor, I received ang pows of course.

Then it was time to prepare lunch for about forty people. I would play assistant to Mom in the kitchen. After lunch, the adults would adjourn to the gambling table while the children would be left to enjoy the endless drinks and snacks. I would be a happy waitress at the gambling table by then, serving beers, peanut, kuaci, cookies and cordials to the gamers.

The preparation for the Birthday of the Jade Emperor which falls on the 9^th day of Chinese New Year starts on the 7^th and 8^th day of Chinese New Year. Mom would make all sorts of kuih on the 8^th day but the ingredients need to be prepared on the 7^th day of Chinese New Year.

The ninth day of the Chinese New Year is a day for Chinese to offer prayers to the Jade Emperor of Heaven in the Taoist Pantheon. This day is especially important to Hokkiens and Teochews (Min Nan speakers). Come midnight of the eighth day of the Chinese New Year, Hokkiens will offer thanks giving prayers to the Emperor of Heaven. Offerings will include all different kinds of meat and seafood; chicken, duck, roasted pig, fish, crabs, prawns, besides these there would be hard boiled eggs, vermicelli, flowers, fruits, cookies, and sugarcane. Sugarcane which come in a pair complete with leaves and root is a must as it was the sugarcane that had protected the Hokkiens from certain extermination generations ago. Tea and liquor is served as a customary protocol for paying respect to the Jade Emperor.

My siblings, their families and a few relatives would join us in our home for thanks giving prayers to the Emperor of Heaven. After prayers we would eat vermicelli soup and hard boiled eggs for good luck and prosperity.

Since 2002 we would celebrate Chinese New Year like to old days, but with less frills. I didn’t take part in the physical stuff anymore but am still qualified for ang pow. I found myself in the planning department where some of the major tasks were to jot down the to-do list, shopping list, grocery list and remind Mom about the things she misses out.

During Chinese New Year I put my best foot forward in entertaining guests, be it siblings, relative or friends.

In the year of rabbit, I had graduated from hydrotherapy department to a more specialised and personalised rehabilitation centre. The rehabilitation physicians, physiotherapists, occupational therapists and I are pushing as hard as possible in the hope of finding a breakthrough in my physical ability in the year of the Dragon. Another positive from last year was that I had tried some writing and found it to be quite fruitful so far. In fact I took it as a good start to 2012 when my article was published in early January.

I hope the year of Dragon would bring with it peace, health and the many returns that I had work for all these years.

Happy Chinese New Year! Have a prosperous year of Dragon. Everybody.

Rehabilitation

Medical professionals like physiotherapist, occupational therapist and rehabilitation physicians are viewed as the front of all wisdom regarding disability. The purpose of people with disability attending rehabilitation services is to improve a person’s quality of life. Normally rehabilitation services are focused on a person’s functional independence in the society. Among the common goals are increasing strength and mobility; improving one’s ability to accomplish activities of daily living. Basically rehabilitation services are based on one’s ability rather than disability. This highlights the fact that one of the most important responsibilities of physiotherapists is to enhance on a person’s ability according to an individual’s needs instead of fixing the disabilities in question.

Some people were born disabled, there are others who become disabled after a lifetime- whether brief or long, it may happen in a catastrophic moment, or it may take days, weeks, months or years for illness to develop and manifest. In some cases a full recovery is expected but in most cases the damage is done and hopes of recovery if any is slim or takes a long process. This kind of disability is not something anyone can fix or undone over a short period. Trying to fix a disability is like trying to accommodate a rectangular into a cube of the same parameters.

I have attended a new rehabilitation center recently; all the medical professionals involved from the rehab physician, physiotherapist to occupational therapists were very good. They were most encouraging and helpful, besides they teach me new tricks on how to improve my mobility.

However during my second visit to the center I was saddened to find that not every physiotherapist applies the same approach to their patients, apparently one of the physiotherapists still possesses the mentality that a patient’s disability can be fixed. Instead of working to improve my physical weakness the wise therapist spent time perfecting the exercise routines which was previously taught by her colleagues and trying to correct my immobile ankle and outward right foot. Using her professional knowledge the therapist kept asking me to perform what would look normal to her. After trying a few times without success the therapist said I was not doing it according to her way, I was so frustrated and upset that it almost reduced me to tears. I immediately escaped to the washroom to regain my composure. After that I decided to cut the session short and went for some personal grooming.

Although most professionals are intentioned and sincerely desired to help, their personal knowledge about the disability was limited to textbooks and offices. If a patient spent time doing physical therapy throughout the day till she is too tired to continue with her daily activities, then just how could she improve on her quality of life? Should this patient double her effort in doing more physical therapy till she recovers one day, then only start doing the things which she enjoys? According to MedicineNet.com the definition of quality of life is; Quality of life: An important consideration in medical care, quality of life refers to the patient's ability to enjoy normal life activities. Some medical treatments can seriously impair quality of life without providing appreciable benefit, while others greatly enhance quality of life.

Generally, it is necessary to evaluate the ways the various impairments impact people's lives. Disability is a highly individual issue; as such there isn't a one-size-fits-all approach when dealing with people with disability. For example deafness or even blindness may impede a person's participation in a conversation, whereas physical disability might prevent one from attending the gathering at all. In physical therapy there appears to be a number of categories of disability. For example; disabilities could be due to spinal cord injury, stroke, cerebral palsy and neurological problems. Furthermore how a person reacts to disability was greatly influenced by the fact that whether the disability was present at birth or happened later to a previously normal individual. And how people react and adjust to disability is partly determined by the mix of helps and hindrances they encounter in their lives.

In recent years through concerted efforts by World Health Organisation, respective Ministries in the Governments(in this particular case no doubt the health ministry and the relevant departments), Non-Government Organisations, Disability Rights Movements, Disability Advocates Groups and an increasing society and cultural awareness have made adjustments to a whole new life easier for the disabled. I hope the day would come when everyone at least everyone in the medical profession who are working with disabled person will be guided by the vision that one day all people will live, work, learn and play based on abilities, not disabilities.

The 13th Year Of My Brain Surgery

The 13^th Year of My Brain Surgery

Time flies, I will be celebrating the 13^th anniversary of my second chance at life this coming 20 November. It was on this day, thirteen years ago when I was wheeled into the operation theater for a brain surgery. Little did I know that the beast which had invaded my brain would leave a trail and would later redefine the course of my future.

It all began after I was diagnosed with brain tumour on 15 November 1998, I was only 32 then. The then MRI impression read as follows:

The meningioma measuring 5x5x5cm ,

mid sagittal vertex meningioma extending more to the left,

meningioma surrounding the superior sagittal sinus which appears to be patent.

Slight odema can be seen near the frontal lobe,

cortical veins were displaced by tumour,

superior sagittal sinus block by meningioma.

A brain surgery was carried out to resect the tumour four days after the diagnosis. Fortunately as massive as the tumour was, after an eight-hour delicate surgery I came out of the operation theater alive. (Not kicking though). However due to the size of the tumour, the neurosurgeon didn’t manage to get all of it. Post-surgery recovery took six months before I was fit again for work. Being a cooperative patient I went for annual brain scans on schedule despite my diligence the neurosurgeon detected a recurrence two years later. It was very close to the aorta thus precluded invasive surgery. In order to prevent further neurological damage I underwent stereostatic radio surgery to remove the recurrence.

Six months later on 1 June 2001 I experienced a grand mal seizure and then paralysis ensued. Expectation of an early recovery grew thin as days turn to weeks, weeks to months then months to years while my condition wasn’t getting any better. Naturally hope turned to despair at the same time fear and worry surfaced amidst denial and grief. Finally we came to a stage when we realized that there was nothing we could do to change the situation in a short term. The future of having to live with paralysis permanently looked gloomy at that time.

The onset of disability was a cruel blow to me. I suffered a sense of loss over the functional ability that the brain tumour has destroyed. Gone were the dreams of climbing up the corporate ladder, posh cars, lavish home and luxurious travels. My fear and worries that life would be painful or meaningless without mobility is beyond imagination. The fact that I treasured independence and freedom highly made the reality difficult to accept. The anguish was equivalent to those suffered by a marathon runner who fell down after finishing three quarter of the most important race of her life time. Suddenly happiness seemed beyond my reach.

Subsequently I became distant and non-committal with friends, ex-colleagues, it was impossible for me to find some sense of connection going at that time, our friendships sadly has been fading. Needless to mention my social circle had been diminishing since. Due to various reasons disability prevented me from attending any social gathering at all, unless the event was held in my home.

I began to regard myself as handicapped, not capable, not efficient, not useful, troublesome, always creating too much inconvenience for others and unaesthetic. This is true regardless of the fact I was around family members or friends. In the end the emotional stress just got the better of me and I shunned away from people whenever I could.

I have questioned thousands of times whether my disablement was a punishment from god for past sins. I did not possess the spiritual knowledge to view it as a test or an opportunity for spiritual and self development. Instead I believe in the purpose of living is to look for happiness. And the ingredients which made up happiness are health, family, friendship, career, achievements and hope. In the process of pursuing achievements survival and independence are prerequisites and disability has no place in between all these. It was so unfair for all it took was an illness to take these away from life and shortened the pursuit for happiness. My liberty was seriously hindered thus put life in continual jeopardy. I feared that happiness would leave me due to my disability.

The feeling of helplessness, fear, anxiety, agony and negative emotions while coping with reality made me weak at times even paralysed me. The fact that I become disabled because of a rare decease made the adjustment to daily basic needs more difficult.

In the early stages of disability, friends, relatives, myself included had hoped for my early recovery; recover so that I could go back to my previous healthy, energetic, confident and happy same Jackie again. Months turned into years, years into decades, we realized we were hoping against hopes. However hard it is we have to accept the cruel reality.

There were lots of up and downs in the past thirteen years. The relief after each recovery and the frustration after each fall. I fell many times, picked myself up as many times and cried even more. With each fall I became more determine and persistent in physical therapy. Now, I am able to look back to the last thirteen years with a victory smile, though I haven’t gain full mobility but I have survived the toughest part of the journey and managed to prevent further disability. Actually I am quite satisfied and proud with these small achievements.

Throughout these years I have learned to appreciate more, to count my blessings for the good things in life and never take things for granted however small or petty they might have appeared. Therefore I am grateful for:

1. 1.Waking up every morning.

2. 2. Having the ability to practice physical therapy.

3. 3.Having a healthy and strong mother.

4. 4.Having a very supportive family.

5. 5.Having supportive relatives and friends.

6. 6.Having food on the table.

7. 7.Having a roof above the head.

8. 8.Having the resources to use the internet.

9. 9.Jobs that came my way.

10.10. Possessing the ability to read.

11.11. Possessing the ability to hear.

12 12. Having the peace of mind. And

13.13. Having the ability to use my damaged brain.

For those who found yourselves disabled due to whatever reason, I have some precious lessons to share; Accepting the notion that nothing is permanent; One should never ever dwell in self pity when life dealt a cruel blow, after grief, denial, don not deny yourselves new lifestyles, start adapting to a totally new life; Despite some lost friendships there are still others who you can call friends and cherish; Try living healthily through having peace of mind, body and soul; The ability to forgive and forget without holding on to holding grudges or hatred can help in cultivating peace of mind; Do not let yourself idle, choose hobbies suitable for your ability such as keeping a pet, gardening, needling, reading, writing, physical therapy, playing computer games, watching television, listening to music, surfing the world wide web or anything that you would find therapeutic; It is very important to be patient; Taking very good care of yourself, don’t let others worry about you, this way you will also be doing something for the society; After all you are responsible for your own life and the priority should be to find serenity and happiness.